You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
