Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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