Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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