Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
