the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
