U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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