i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
