I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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