Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
