Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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