Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
