tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
