i already hear my dad disowning me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
