I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
