i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
