Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
