just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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