Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
