His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
