your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
