So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
