You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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