so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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