As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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