Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I see more hoeing in ur future
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