I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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