What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
