my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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