Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
