Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
