I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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