I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
