Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
