11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
