i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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