I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
