do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am available for nakedness
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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