Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
