No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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