I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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