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im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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