Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
