I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
