there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
