You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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