More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
