Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
