How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
