how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
