One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
