and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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