I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
