he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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